Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
