when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
