Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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