if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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