last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
