96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
