my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
