I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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