oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
