woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
