Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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