Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
