Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Come see our sink grown plant.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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