Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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