Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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