How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
