what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
