Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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