please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
