The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
