That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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