i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
