he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
