the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
