btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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