Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
