this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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