A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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