Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
