Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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