u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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