Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
