I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
