You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
