i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
