Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
