I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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