I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
