i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
