hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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