Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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