We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
