I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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