dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
