Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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