It's like God shit irony all over that family
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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