never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
