Nicole vs. Life
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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