Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
