I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
