i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
