Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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