He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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